Summer Break!

I made it through the first two weeks of training at the new job. It was a lot of work and a lot of hours. I'm looking forward to the paycheck :) Now the kids are on a week long break for Independence Day. I NEEDED this break. The first week of training I just observed the interactions between teachers and students and the second week I took one student by myself. Next week I will have my whole group (3-4 students) along with staff support and the fourth week I am on my own! A little bit nervous. The kids have some very challenging behaviors including extreme aggressiveness. I had to learn how to protect myself from physical attacks while not harming the students. Also, many of the kids are non-verbal, anxiety ridden, have obsessive tendencies and panic attacks/tantrums. I can't wait until I see that I have made a difference in the lives of these kids.

I have an appointment with a new primary care doctor next Friday and made an appointment to see an orthopedic surgeon in early August. I need to schedule appointments with my rheumatologist and endometriosis doctors tomorrow. I'm interested to see what the orthopedic surgeon says. All the Internet based literature I have read just leaves me dreading the visit.

I am still taking Chemistry I and I am actually doing well in it. That's a surprise. However, I should also say that the professor is horrible and has told us blatantly wrong information at times in lab which has kept us there longer because we had to fix HER mistakes. I start Human Growth & Development next month, but I am not worried about the class. Next semester I am taking Chemistry II and Anatomy & Physiology I. I think I will really like A&P.

That's it for now and I hope everyone is enjoying their summer so far!

Stressful Times

A lot has been going on in my world the past few weeks. One is that graduation is rapidly approaching and I have nothing lined up for after it! I have not been able to even get a job interview and it is stressing me out completely. I am totally broke right now and I am not sure how I am going to pay student loans, nursing school prerequisites, car insurance, medical copays, etc. without a job.

Speaking of nursing school, I am planning on signing up for microbiology, chemistry and human growth and development this summer. I had to drop chemistry this semester because it was too much to focus on and I was not doing as well as I wanted. Now to pay for them...

Another big issue is health insurance. Since I am in MA, I am required to have it. While I really like this, most of the providers I have now will not accept the state health insurance. So I will have to start fresh with a new set, which is always fun (extreme sarcasm).

On the lupus front, however, there is much better news. I am doing and feeling great. My rheumatologist said this is the healthiest she has seen me in the 2.5 years I have been seeing her. Pretty nice to hear, especially since I feel the same way also.

The semester is wining down, which of course means a lot of work. Oof. I just wish I had a crystal ball to look to the future so I can see if everything will be OK or not.

Hey Spring Break!

Well I am on spring break and couldn't be happier about it. A week to relax. Well, kind of relax because I still need to study for both a chemistry and nutrition exam and I need to study for the GREs which I need to hurry up and take.

I saw the endocrinologist last week and they said they did not think I need one of my parathyroids removed at that time and that the other scary thing they were thinking about is probably not what is going on. I am going to have some specialized tests done on my kidneys to try to figure out why they are so calcified, however. In 6 months I have to repeat the blood tests to check on my levels of calcium and keep doing that every 6 months for a while. If they detect the high calcium again then we have to revisit the surgery issue.

I am really happy about this because I was envisioning ridiculous scars on my neck. And of course surgery just throws everything off and I am tried of having it. While my kidneys still remain a bit of a mystery, and this is scary with lupus, I can deal with it. I have been dealing with the stones in them for many years and while the number of stones keeps increasing, as long as I am not in any acute pain I normally don't think about it.

I am only a couple months away from being a college graduate. My dad keeps asking me how I want to celebrate and I don't really know. It is a little surreal to me. I have not found a job yet and that is making me nervous. I have been in school for so long and being done with it is a little scary.

Well, I am actually nowhere near being done. I plan on going to nursing school in the fall of 2012. But I haven't had an extended period of time not being in school in about 18 years.

I hope everyone is staying well!

Geez, Where Have I Been?

So sorry about the lack of updates. Things this semester have been just as crazy as last semester, if not more so because I am also looking for a job. I haven't had much luck yet but I am hopeful. I am definitely taking at least a year off between undergrad and nursing school so I need something to occupy my time. Also taking up a lot of my time is chemistry. I do not like chemistry.

I am on a slow prednisone taper again to reduce it from when I had my last pleuritis flare up and so far so good. Last time it flared when I got to 5mg which will happen again in a couple of weeks so we will see how that goes. Overall, though, I am feeling pretty good. Just the occasional problem with my joints, especially my knees.

I also joined Weight Watchers! Friday will be the end of my fourth week and I have been losing weight every week except my first. I highly recommend, as I am almost done to my pre-prednisone weight wayyy back in the summer.

I have been thinking a lot about what to call this blog after I graduate. Any suggestions?

First Day of Class...Kind Of

Today was the first day of class for my last semester as an undergraduate. We ended up having a snow day. Or half of a snow day because they did not cancel classes until the afternoon. So I had my nutrition class this morning and stayed and watched the snow fall in the afternoon. I actually kind of wanted to go to my afternoon class because it is called Performance Ethnography and I am not sure what it is about.

Anyway, I was also glad classes were cancelled today because I am fighting a horrible cold which I fear might be turning into an ear infection. Not cool. I have been drinking a lot of tea and taking a lot of Dayquil.

I have seen the syllabi for 5/6 classes and this is getting ready to be another difficult semester. I did not get into the developmental psychology class at the other school like I wanted so I added another class called health communication that I think will look good on nursing school applications.

Stay warm!

Well, That's Done

The semester from HELL is over. I finished my last final at 2:30 Friday and went straight home. It took me three hours to get home because I left just in time for rush hour traffic, but it was good to be home nevertheless.

By my last final, my brain was off. It was for my history of film class and I could barely remember any of the movies we had seen over the semester. Hopefully I did not bomb it too badly.

Now I have a whole month off to do NOTHING and it is so wonderful. I do not really have any plans, but that is fine with me. We got our Christmas tree yesterday so I can finally start getting into the Christmas spirit.

I have a couple of upcoming appointments next week. One with an endocrinologist to see about the issues I have with regulating my calcium and one with my endometriosis specialist for some issues I have been having with it. I also got a call saying that I was scheduled to see surgeon in the endometriosis specialist's office, but no one talked to me about that. I really DO NOT feel like having another surgery for it.

I hope everyone has a good holiday

Belated Thanks and Another ER Trip

Thanksgiving was pretty awesome in my house this year. It was the first time in many years that a we had more family members show up than not. We had some amazing food (I made mac and cheese) in large quantities. My aunt made this pumpkin spice cake that was absolutely divine. I also got to see one of my aunts for the first time in almost two years.

There was only one little problem. I realized, just after the halfway point between home and school, that I had forgotten all my medicines at school. I was so far into my trip home, and just wanted to go home, that I did not turn around. I just hoped that the people at the pharmacy could help me out since I am quite friendly with them. Unfortunately, due to some insurance crap or whatever, I was only able to get some of my medicine. Only 1/3 of my lupus medicines. But I made it through Thanksgiving pretty well with only a few bouts of pain.

Things changed when I got back to school with a horrendous bout of chest pain. I knew what was going on. Over the summer I had inflammation on my pleural membrane, and this felt the exact same way. I called my rheumatologist, who was not in, and spoke to her assistant. The assistant told me to call my primary care doctor, which I did. They told me to go to the ER. UGH. So my roommate and I went and after spending hours there so they could run all sorts of tests I was put back on 25mg of prednisone.

I hate prednisone, as I am sure you know. I have spent many months trying to come off it and then to get put back on the same dose I was on over the summer was so disheartening. Luckily, I am now only on 20mg and will keep reducing rapidly. My cheeks were swollen by the third day.

I have definitely learned my lesson about taking my medicine.

Also that night, I managed to lock myself out of my apartment at 1am, bleed all over the place from a cut in my arm, have a pukingly bad migraine and get a $1500 medical bill. It was very unpleasant.

Anyway, I am two weeks away from the end of the semester. Only 8 exams, two papers, 1 lab report and several smaller assignments to go before I am on a blissful one month break.

Oy

It's been almost two weeks since my last post. Sorry about that. I guess there is nothing really to say except that I am still drowning in homework and doing a prednisone taper. It almost seems like I am never getting off of it. For the next two weeks I will be alternating 5mg with 6mg.

Speaking of drowning in work, I registered for five classes next semester so far. The total amount of credits is 17. Since I seemingly love to torture myself, I also am applying for a course overload so I can take 21 credits next semester (limit is 19). I am trying to get as many prerequisites for nursing school out of the way that I can because I am still getting financial aid. I also found a seminar lat minute that I really wanted to take because I am a nerd. So for next semester I have general chemistry plus its three hour lab, nutrition, an online class about public relations, a class called performance ethnography (unless I can get into the documentary seminar) and a psychology seminar about clinical psychology. I hope to be able to register for developmental psychology at the school down the street from mine which costs $40,000+ a year but I can take any class there for my tuition rates. This goes the same for any of the other 4 ridiculously expensive schools around me. All I have to do is be registered for 3 credits and my home institution.

Anyway, my joint pain has been increasing and I have had to supplement my prescription pain meds almost everyday with over-the-counter ones. This is not encouraging, but I do not see my rheumatologist again for a few more weeks and do not really feel like going to see her anytime sooner. Unless, of course, it gets real bad.

Hope everyone's November is going well so far!

Endocrinology

Ever since taking neuroendocrinology a couple of semesters ago I have been really interested in the field. I guess I will have some first hand knowledge now that I am scheduled to see an endocrinologist later this month. My calcium levels are wacky, my Vitamin D levels are out of sorts and I have low citrate (whatever that is) which is making me crank out kidney stones at an alarming pace. I did one round of Googling about what this all could mean and then I stopped. No use getting ahead of myself because I will probably come out of the appointment with them telling me to drink more water and that's it.

Midterms are over, thank God. Now I can get back to my normal crazy instead of extra, extra crazy. Also, the class listings went up today so I was able to make a tentative schedule while sitting around bored at work. It looks like I will be able to take two nursing school prerequisites (Anatomy & Physiology 1 and Nutrition) next semester. I still need to take another semester of A&P, microbiology with lab, two semesters of chemistry and human growth and development, but it's a start. This will also make me more attractive to the one nursing school I am applying for now because while you can take the prerequisites the summer before the nursing classes start, the website says doing this will make you "less competitive".

I'm down to 6mg of prednisone and everyone says it looks like I am losing weight, which is not true it is just my face is not swollen from the prednisone anymore. But if they think that, why not? I gained 10lbs on the stuff and I want them off now.

Anyway, happy November!

I'm So Sorry Blog, I Haven't Forgotten You

Unfortunately, things have not slowed down for me. Just this week I have 4 exams and a paper. And all my classes are pretty difficult. I'm doing everything I can to balance school and work and keep my GPA. Which leads me to another problem: work. I'm not having enough time to do both school and work. My family has realized this and been EXTREMELY generous and supportive over the last few days and asked me to quit one of my jobs. Which I would love to do, but it would leave my employers in a tough situation. So I'm not sure what to do about that.

Which leads me to my family. They have shown me just how truly blessed I am over the past few days. I don't know what I would do without them.

Anyway, lupus-wise I am so-so. Today I am dealing with a very swollen and painful ankle which is disappointing because I normally don't have problems with my ankles. My rheumatologist has also mentioned starting physical therapy again for my knees because the arthritis is in my ligaments and tendons and I can't extend my knees out at all. I also had a bunch of endocrine tests done because my calcium levels tend to be high, my vitamin D levels tend to be low and I'm getting kidney stones a lot more than a person my age should get.

Hello Long Weekend!

Columbus Day is tomorrow which means no school! And furthermore, Tuesday runs on a Monday schedule and Mondays are my easy day! I will be spending most of tomorrow catching up on school work, but at least I will have the time to catch up.

I recently had a conversation with my dad and he told me I should cut back my hours from about 20 a week to 12-15 hours a week. Easier said than done since I am still broke working all these hours. He said he would help me out, but of course I feel bad about that.

I am also stressing myself out way too much about After Graduation. I did not make TFA, and I am disappointed, but not devastated. Everything happens for a reason and I am sure I will find something to do that will make me equally as happy. Whether that be in medicine or education or music business I do not know and that is what is stressing me out the most.

On the medical front, I started 7.5mg of prednisone today. I have been more tired and achy since reducing, but I hope I can continue. Honestly, pain is a reality in my life. Unless it is excruciating, then I can deal with it. I almost expect it. I can't tell if this is good or bad thing yet...

That is all for now. I hope everyone has a great upcoming week!

Stress, Lupus and a Prednisone Taper

I'm about ready to shut my brain off for a while. This semester has been really taking a toll on me. Even though I was taking six classes and working both jobs last semester, it was not nearly this bad. I am completely lacking enough time to get my work done and take care of myself. Throw in a rapid taper from 25mg of prednisone to 10mg, and you have a pretty bad combination. I didn't quite realize how much good the prednisone was doing until now. I came home from work on Sunday and my joints were screaming at me.

I had a talk with my dad this afternoon and he told me that he would help me financially if I reduced my work hours. That is very nice of him but I don't want that to happen. He helps me out now and I know its a lot for him.

I think my schedule even for a person who is not sick is a lot. I don't want to reduce my hours or slow my prednisone taper so I need to figure out something.

Thoughts On My First Week

It's gonna be crazy. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are going to be marathons. On Tuesday I have class 8-10:45 and then again 1-6, on Wednesday I work 10-1, have class 2:30-3:20 and then work again 4-8 and Thursday I have class 8-4. Whew. Mondays I work in the morning and have one class in the afternoon and on Friday I just work in the morning.

I have already worn myself a little ragged and I am 3 days in. I was exhausted and in pain by the end of today but hopefully that is just my body trying to get readjusted. And also for some reason sitting in the desks is taking a toll on my hips, but I hope that is just temporary too. I do not want to have to walk around with a cushion. In fact, I don't think that I would. I would probably just grin and bear it.

My roommate situation is going well. There are only three instead of four of us in the apartment right now and both girls are pretty quiet. I haven't interacted with them much and I do not think the other two have even met each other.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Back to School

So I leave to go back to school tomorrow. I am not packed, but I just finished my last shopping trip so I really have no excuse. Well, actually, not all the clothes are dry, so...

Anyway, this semester is gearing up to be just as crazy as all the other ones. I am going to continue working both jobs and take six classes, plus I just signed up for intramural soccer. It's a little bit of a crazy schedule, but I am hoping all this activity helps me keep off the prednisone weight. My biggest fear, of course, is weight gain. I can stand gaining it in my face, as I definitely have, but not anywhere else. The face will go down once I stop, but I have worked too hard to lose the weight everywhere else to go through it again.

I do not have a meal plan this semester so I will be entirely on my own for food. This is both good and bad. I can have control over everything I eat and control the fat, calories, sodium, whatever else, but I also will have to do more planning out of what I eat. Of course, I think I will be able to get into the dining halls sometimes when I eat with friends.

I'm looking forward to starting this year. It's my last as an undergrad (finally!!) so hopefully it will go well!

Trying to Make Some Decisions

I have been doing a lot of thinking/research about what I want to do when I finally get my B.S./B.A. in psychology and communication. I had previously wanted to work in artist management, and while this still holds a lot of interest foe me, I do not see my career going in this direction. There are several of reasons for this, not the least of which finding a job with health insurance while trying to this would be all but impossible.

This leaves me with two other areas that I am interested in. The first is school psychology. School psychologists collaborate with school districts, parents and teachers to make sure that kids with behavioral, medical, social and learning problems have access to the care they need to succeed in school You can either obtain a M.Ed or other related masters degree in school psychology or you can go all the way with a Ph.D. Being the way I am, I would probably want to go with the Ph.D because the autonomy you have is a lot greater. You are eligible to become a licensed psychologist (and therefore actually use "psychologist" as your title and not "psychological associate" or something like that) and you can also practice in private practice, therefore opening up more avenues for teaching, research and salary.

The second is medicine. Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to become a doctor. Now, however, I do not necessarily want to become a doctor but do something related to the medical field. Most of my research has been focusing on becoming a nurse practitioner (NP). NPs practice primary care on a level that is often comparable to physicians. It was when I was under an NPs care that I finally received my diagnosis of lupus, and I credit the ay she listened to me and didn't just write me off like so many of the physicians I had seen had.

I am going to be applying to at least two programs for after I graduate. The first is the Teach for America program which is a two year program where you go into a low income community and teach there. The current acceptance rate is about 8%, so I am realistic about my chances. The second is a Direct-Entry MSN program at a small school in my hometown. This program allows me to take the prerequisites before the actual nursing classes commence. After the first year you obtain your RN licensure and then you can either full-time or part-time get your masters and be eligible to become an NP.

One last option I am looking into are post-baccalaureate pre-medical programs. There is still some part of me that wants to be a doctor, although medical school and all its craziness is totally unappealing. I might try for one of these programs as well. Once I figure out how I am going to pay for the GRE I will also make a decision about what school psychology programs I want to apply to.

If I do not get into any of the programs than I hope to get a job as a research assistant in a child development lab or something like that or become a residential counselor in a group home for children or an acute care psychiatric hospital for children. While I am working I would take more prerequisites for nursing and then reapply in about a year to more programs.

That's my plan and I finally feel comfortable with it. I am going to have to put off, at least, my dreams of working in the music biz, but I am OK with that. Working with children in some way has always been where I knew where I would end up. Whether that be in the schools or in a medical setting, I don't know, but I know I will be fulfilled and happy either way.

Cautiously Optimistic

I am beginning to think the CellCept is taking effect. I worked my (last) 8-4 shift today and I felt almost human after I was done with it. I was not nearly as achy as usual and this morning I wasn't either. This afternoon, however, my knees were pretty achy. But I think this is a step in the right direction!

Tomorrow is the last day of classes. A week ago my Psych/Lit class ended. I finished my Writing as Communication class today when I turned in my case study and tomorrow I have a group presentation for New Media and a test in Plagues. I only have two scheduled finals for Spanish and Media Programming. The end is in sight.

I have also started the medication Amitriptiline for my migraines. I gave it two days last semester because I didn't like the effect of weight gain it can have. I went to my doctor on Friday because of an increase in my migraines and he suggested I give it another try. He assured me there would be no weight gain on the dosage he would put me on. So I am going to try it again because it does help me sleep better as well. My doctor did not want me to go up on Verapamil because my pulse is very slow and my blood pressure is generally borderline low.

Well that's my life/school/medical update. Enjoy the rest of the week!

What It Comes Down To

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. The more I think, the more comfortable I become in my decision to stay an extra year in school. One of the main reasons I want to do this is for health insurance. My state, Massachusetts, mandates everyone have health insurance. However, I do not think I want to stay in Massachusetts after I graduate. So if I do not get a job, or go to a school, that offers health insurance, then I am out of luck. This would necessitate me living in Massachusetts to be sure I get the coverage I need.

I do not like that a lot of my decisions for my future are based on my health, or, more specifically, my health insurance. There are so many things that I want to do that I feel are being limited because the toll on my body would be too great, or it is kind of off the beaten path and I may not get insurance.

I bet this is something a lot of chronically ill young adults experience, and something that I would definitely want to discuss in the support group I want to start. It is something that has been weighing pretty heavily in my mind.

It is going to be a wonderful weekend here in MA. I am going to see my dad tomorrow and I have my last 8-4 shift on Sunday! I hope everyone else has a great weekend.

Got Me Thinkin'

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about many different things. One of the main things is what I am going to do after college. I have a lot of different interests and jump from one idea to another on a regular basis. I really like developmental psychology, school psychology, nursing and music management - now I am seriously considering the Teach for America program.

I know several people doing Teach for America and one told me that the program likes for successful applicants to have leadership experience. So this got me thinking. One thing I could think of is starting a support group for students on campus with chronic illness. I do not think any such group exists and it is important for students to be able to reach out to one another. I know that I am frequently overwhelmed by the prospect of having lupus for the rest of my life. I am just beginning to come into my own, develop who I want to be. Unfortunately chronic illness is a factor.

This has to be the same for other student whether they have lupus or something else. Being our age and dealing with all the uncertainties that illness brings is difficult. I plan to bring it up with my primary care physician on Friday when I have an appointment. He can probably tell me if something on campus exists, and if not, how to go about setting it up.

I think this could be a good resource on campus AND provide me with the leadership experience I need for possibly applying to Teach for America (or grad school, or a job....)

I plan to write a post later about my decision making for staying an extra year in school and how lupus is factoring into my decision for after school.

Have a fantastic week!

"Normal"

Something I struggle a lot with is not feeling like I fit the mold of a "typical college student". I get exhausted so easily that I don't normally go out. I am 21 years old and I never go to the bars or clubs around town and I hardly ever go to just regular parties. There are a few of reasons for this:

1. Besides having lupus, I don't like the feeling of being drunk at all. I don't get it. I only like to drink to the point where I am "friendly". Whether due to my medications or my body chemistry or whatever else, it does not take much to get me "friendly".

2. Then there is the lupus itself. Just the energy of dressing up and looking cute can make me sleepy and achy. I really am no fun when I get like this and my friends notice it right away and it brings them down too. I hate not being able to do these things, and share in these experiences, but I really am miserable by about two hours in.

3. The recuperation period for me takes a long time, and I simply don't have much time. Between my six classes and two jobs, I don't really have the time to spend trying to recover. It's much easier for me to do things that I know won't take a lot out of me.

The reason I am writing this post is because I am currently sitting at home, 100 miles away from school about to go to bed at 10:45, and the rest of my school is partying it up. It's basically our spring weekend and there are parties and dances all around campus. I was so exhausted and out of it I decided not to drive home and spend my money (oh, my precious money) to skip work today and take the bus home.

But after all this, I still have to ask the question "What is normal?" I have to accept that this is what it is for me. College students come in all varieties, so fitting some media induced or stereotypical mold is not realistic. Maybe one day I will actually come to accept this.

Winding Down

So this semester will be ending in the next few weeks. May 3 is the last day of classes and then we have finals for the week after that. I only have two finals, Spanish on the 6th and Media Programming on the 11th. Until then, though, have so much to get done. I have a group project and a paper for my New Media class, Spanish work, Media Programming work, a Psych/Lit exam and paper, a Plagues exam and last but certainly not least, my Writing for Comm case study.

My case study is examining portrayals of mental illness in females in the movies Prozac Nation and Girl, Interrupted. It's been A LOT of work, and I cannot wait until it's done. I have learned that, while I do not like research papers, I like primary research even less. Unfortunately, that's the stuff school is made out of. I am sure I would like it a lot more if I wasn't so stressed. It is a topic I am very interested in and ties in well with both of my majors.

So that's it for now. My lupus is still giving me trouble, but I hope to last the rest of the semester without too much trouble. And it helps that tomorrow we have no classes because of Patriot's Day. I worked both today and yesterday and I could really use the break.

Hope everyone has a good week!