Something I struggle a lot with is not feeling like I fit the mold of a "typical college student". I get exhausted so easily that I don't normally go out. I am 21 years old and I never go to the bars or clubs around town and I hardly ever go to just regular parties. There are a few of reasons for this:
1. Besides having lupus, I don't like the feeling of being drunk at all. I don't get it. I only like to drink to the point where I am "friendly". Whether due to my medications or my body chemistry or whatever else, it does not take much to get me "friendly".
2. Then there is the lupus itself. Just the energy of dressing up and looking cute can make me sleepy and achy. I really am no fun when I get like this and my friends notice it right away and it brings them down too. I hate not being able to do these things, and share in these experiences, but I really am miserable by about two hours in.
3. The recuperation period for me takes a long time, and I simply don't have much time. Between my six classes and two jobs, I don't really have the time to spend trying to recover. It's much easier for me to do things that I know won't take a lot out of me.
The reason I am writing this post is because I am currently sitting at home, 100 miles away from school about to go to bed at 10:45, and the rest of my school is partying it up. It's basically our spring weekend and there are parties and dances all around campus. I was so exhausted and out of it I decided not to drive home and spend my money (oh, my precious money) to skip work today and take the bus home.
But after all this, I still have to ask the question "What is normal?" I have to accept that this is what it is for me. College students come in all varieties, so fitting some media induced or stereotypical mold is not realistic. Maybe one day I will actually come to accept this.