Ho Hum

Today I had a neuroendocrinology test. I studied really hard for it, and it was pretty difficult. I hope I do OK on it. I'm not too happy with how I am doing in school right now. It's only midsemester and I am not doing horribly, but I'm EXTREMELY hard on myself when it comes to school. I did pretty bad the first couple years because I was sick and missing school, on all sorts of meds....But now I am better and I've done really well the past couple semesters. I have pretty big ambitions, so I need to keep my grades up.

I have an appointment with my rheumatologist on Thursday. It is at 9:30 am and about 25 minutes away from my school. Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually my sleep in day ( I wake up at 9:00am) but I had to wake up at 8:15 this morning and 8:00 on Thursday. So no sleeping in for me.

I have a couple things to discuss with my rheumatologist. I am concerned about the cancer risk from taking Imuran. I have tried Plaquenil, but it made my stomach go crazy. I DO NOT!!!!! want steroids and other immunosuppressives have the risk of cancer. I have gotten COUNTLESS CT scans, x-rays and bone density scans that I am so worried about the risk of blood cancer. I have to get a bone density scan in December because the Lupron for endometriosis I am on can cause osteoporosis. No sign of that, though, thank goodness.

I also want to know just how in control my lupus is. My blood tests do not usually show activity even when I am miserable. My white blood counts and sometimes my red blood counts are low. My ANA has been positive once and my complements are always good. My sed rate and c reactive proteins are variable. So my blood is not a reliable indication of how my lupus is doing. But I feel so up and down. I can be incredibly achy one day, with mouth sores, migraine and low fever and be fine the next day. And I am so tired. I do a lot, but its the can't move, can't think, don't wanna sleep, just lay there tired. I guess I am tired of lupus. I am tired of being sick and I am sick of being tired.

It's just one of those days. I spent more time than ususal trying to arrange doctor-type stuff. I have had a know right below my collar bone for as long as I can remember. It is hard and does not move. My doctor all of a sudden has taken an interest in it. So I had to call around and get previous imaging studies sent to him. I had to talk to the nurse of my endometriosis specialist. And I am feeling pretty blah in general. Oh well, hopefully this mood improves.